this isn't what I wanted at all
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i feel like one day you just become an adult and you have no idea what to do with a life that you really didn't want
as in the life that you live isn't the one that you wanted
what do you even do with that? because I feel like life really isn't what you make it
life happens no matter how much you try to shape it

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I guess i have no real idea about what I want
most of my life has been spent knowing what i don't want as if that ever made a difference
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there are only a few moments in my life where I can confirm I have actually been alive
but mostly I think about the fact that I just exist, just like a lot of people, just like everyone actually