lately it's almost like i am losing my hold though i've never had a grip i had some control but now i'm slipping and i'm afraid to know the consequences of my actions what happens when you don't let go
realizations hit me reacting too quickly it's like the good endings skip me each new outcome is sickening i don't want to be a pick me but i just want someone to pick me
taking a step back but it didn't help that much i have to leave this existence and that distance might still not be enough but for now i just feel coughed up all my edges rough underneath all of my negativity i swear there is love
it's just when all the realizations hit me i spin out and react too quickly my best intentions now feel dingy i just wanted someone with me but in my mission for someone to pick me my own image has become almost sickening not too far gone but nearly lost hate to loathe it always leads to seeming alone
even if i wish i could receive my own effort in return that's not what it's all about i should be a better person by now