What repose and subtle wonder it is to venture looking backward upon my written name.
Scribbled, lacking coherence in its characters, doctored suggestively towards containing an inherent “literary” edge out of just what it is, an association of sounds, (parent’s gifted accidents of intention) commingled and pushed into an accepted truth by repetition and repetition alone.
The surges of black-tongued self-consciousness -that I’m far above the spot-scratching undergraduate notion of admiring my personal stamp, of falling in love with myself by using “bigger” words to fetishize my most basic claim on having existed, of being HERE- are given rise.
These fade, by examples immemorial, to give way to other voices striving for attention, to grasp their mark upon the page.
Late evening
On a wall, Initials carved with a filthy bar of rationed soap In Dungeon Europe’s eastern range. Where prison bars once hounded in where beating’s sounded off morning’s crisp hue The inevitable made its finer points here Trampling over names and voices lost to history.
Now a museum the lunch-time rush of internationals (who mostly work for corporations with offices in every place they travel) Photograph themselves with expensive cameras After shuddering, some even hazarding a tear in considering what fates have befell occupants on the wrong side of a different bureaucracy ....but all that matters, after they leave, is the the proof they were there. And how it was just how they imagined.
Morning, in my bedroom and I’ve written something again...
I can stack it away if I feel that I failed to capture what I wanted to be seen (if not in my own handwriting, then on some gilded white screen letters upright and well-rounded.)
How much can it matter to me? Seeing my own name allotted above or at the end of some juvenile thoughtpiece the kind editors everywhere are doing their best to get rid of.
I suppose I write because it pushes me out of the expected it releases me, on these mornings, these graceful, time-blessed mornings, out of the cell. To roam among the other skeptics, who thought aloud to wistfully spend time away from the routine To hold aloft a lighter-flame for those trapped inside.