My past, a faint memory I subconsciously hold onto.
Letting it all go, but still in the midst of moving on from painful memories and connections that at one stage buried me six feet deep.
I still hear the calls of the voices, the intricate echoing beneath the endless silence.
As if moving on is more of a task, then the road to actual happiness.
The person I am now, too strong to even let a man in, even though it's love that I deeply crave.
Too in control to let go of the hold, the grip.
Too in charge to let someone else lead the way.
I can't ever imagine it.
Letting myself be loved and touched again.
It's been a decade.
I've been alone to the point of comfort.
A sense of peace.
Over a year, and I'm celibate and independent.
A man is she and a woman she looks like.
I'm scared to give my control away.
I've worked too hard.
But it's love that I crave, and these deep feelings from the past still taunt me.
No friends, just mere acquaintances.
Too scared to take that risk with people.
Moving on, but still holding.