He wanted to be happy seeing his parents struggle hurt him. All the bad habits that tore the family up. Why did this happen? Why couldn't the family be happy? They didn't have anything but did have each other as they got older everyone grew apart and angry. Everyone would rather be right than happy.
He minded his mouth because it would lead to an argument. Putting his guard down and took a beating. Watching everyone be bitter and self destructive all he wanted was to be happy.
Leaving everyone and thing behind to be sober. Wondering how much more pressure on his heart Why his racing brain would spiral out of control and crash. Trying to relax but feeling like a failure. Things go wrong with family friends and work aking how could he fix it make things right.