You know them nights, when so much is on your mind and you don't know where to begin. You start to type, then back space again and again. The words don't flow, the thought is gone. The next sentence is wrote, but it just feels wrong.
You can stare at the screen and look for hours. Type a hundred words, yet their not ripe, much more sour. I'm having that night, with this aggravation and pain. Even though the last week, was smiles and gain.
The last couple days and nights has ripped through my mind and body. My body feels under a earthquake and my mind is a tsunami. Quitting the benzo's and antidepressants that started 3 1/2 years ago Going cold turkey, I wasn't going to wing it and just go slow.
At a point in your life, you will sometimes make rash decisions. It can lead you into a tranquility, or it can cut you...incision after incision. The beginning of the week, I found peace and that tranquility. As I longed for better and wanted rid of the iniquity.
I began to read the bible and put faith in it's print. and now I feel under attack, a demon the Devil has sent.
But that's not the case, I chose this myself. I can beat this, write about it, then put it on a shelf.
My mind is too muddled to go on much more, My body is shaking, and my fingers are sore.
This shall pass, as God will get me through. Then I will be back, to bore some of you.
I long for a natural sleep not medically induced. For it's been 13 years, that's when the pills happened. I began to use. Just for sleep not to get high. Just for dreams: standing on a mountain side.
So goodnight, and may you dream the most wonderful dream. May you feel the embrace of the moonlight beam.
Before you drift off and dance with your love beside the sea. Will you say a prayer? So something beautiful comes to me.