Haven't been journaling taking so much in. Writing is how to let it out reflect something's are beyond your control. Being a team player caring the load is exhausting. Doing your part isn't enough. All the extra is what becomes a factor. Sometimes they'll love you other times they'll push you out discredit your hard work and efforts making them feel worthless.
Learning to be a leader and communicating is hard.
Usually one to plow through do it alone. Trying to connect is hard especially after years of being detached from everyone. Giving everything not expecting anything in return.
Working till the job is done not leaving it for the next person. Thankful ppl are grateful instead of feeling starting over from zero doing it all over again. In bed not able to sleep not comparing or worried about others. Life feels alright but why does it feel like something is missing. Trying have a social life or relationship. It's complicated with trust issues formal friends that slandered ones name a character. Dating the wrong female who'd cheat then blame everyone to justify her actions of wrong doing.