i once watched
a documentary about
transgender women
in pakistan

thrown out by
their families and
ostracized by
society

all they had
were each other

but instead of compassion
for the struggle they shared
solidarity
in each other

there was a pecking order
where the elder women
abused and beat down
the younger

i never thought
about why this
made such an
impression on me

until today
when i realized
it illustrates
the incomprehensible fact

that women
regardless of their
age or gender
assigned at birth
or ethnicity
or economic status
or the society
they live in

women
are just
horrible
to each other

my grandmother is
83 next week

family is
coming into town
and there will be
a party

and i
will not go

why?
because
**** her
that’s why

and will i regret
my resentment
when i’m as
old as she is?

i just might
but that doesn’t mean
it's worth putting
myself through the
experience at this
moment in time

i was always
papa's girl
his little
shadow

and after he died
it was like
suddenly
i didn't have
him anymore and
she didn't have any
reason to be
nice to me anymore

now that i've put
my foot down
my mother is
telling me off

and i just don't
think i need to
put up with this
any longer

and i just don't understand
why women
have to be so
horrible to each other