I wanted more from you
than you were willing to give
but I can't expect action
from someone so miserably passive
even though you always had such pretty words
I remained thirsty for pretty verbs
that I knew I'd never see
but I kept hoping
and
I used to think you were my ghost
now I'm wondering if I'm more than just the host
for my own haunting
that's traumatizing and taunting my psyche
telling me I'm not worthy
all because of the actions of weak men  
that I give more power to than they deserve
once again...
and
communication without comprehension
is a deadly circle I find myself dizzying in
I could talk myself in to the ground
and think I'm breaking through to you
but it's an illusion
just like your truth
and perhaps mine too
I want to feel like I am more than a bucket list ****
I want to feel worthy, not down on my luck
and I know
I'll feel that better on my own
rather than the repetitive ******* I've been shown
the mind changes, rearranges
and I'm back to square one
boxes were never in my comfort zone
neither was being alone
I'd rather embrace my solo