new year notes to self at 4:30am

too cynical
to pseudo-resolve stuff
just because
an arbitrary mark
the calendar affords.

nonetheless,
the mind endlessly calculates,
then recalculates,
rinse and repeats,
responsibility, "success,"
middle class living death

pretend erase the slate,
as if this prologue was not
a sequel,
but the..

the squeeze of guttural noises
stuck in my throat
prevent raucous breathing,
stifle noisy disbelieving,
lest I awake all the babes
sleeping cozy nearby,
trusting in me,
so I communicate
to the others
who are awake
at 4:30am,
offering them but
a plain white lamentation,
cry with me,
"I know, I know."

Jan 3, 2013

.