I think about you more now
than when you was alive
and I hate myself for that.
I hate that
I always took you being there for granted
and didn’t visit as much as I should of.
People would always say
“you’ll regret it when she dies”
but I was young (and knew everything).

I knew the time would eventually come
when I would have to mourn you
and I tried to prepare myself for that day.
But nothing can prepare you,
not for losing someone
who’s the reason for your own existence
(without you, there would be no me).

I’m glad I took the time
to get to know you, to hear your stories.
My Childhood memories of you
were some of the happiest moments in my life and I feel a great sense of comfort and security reminiscing about times past.
Even the smallest of things
evoke such a magical sense of pacification.
Watching Wimbledon tennis on a lazy summer afternoon.
A chicken sandwich(sprinkled with a pinch of salt)
for the journey on the fast train to the Seaside
and even a hall light left on as reassurance for the young child that it will warn off things that go bump in the night.

I think about all you’ve been through in life,
A World War, Marriage/Divorce,
all the friends and family you’ve loved and lost
(how do you recover from something like that without losing a piece of who you are?)
I was so ecstatic telling you I was going to be a dad
and so very empty and distraught
when we lost the baby to God’s wrath.
I really wanted to make you a Great Grandmother
before life timed out…

The Teddy Bear you bought my child
is like a priceless treasure
(and will be looked after and loved forever)
as will the Wedding ring your wore for 72 years,
for better and worse,
now safely on my fifth digit
and following my journey through life

They say “time is a great healer” I disagree.
All time does is show you how precious each given moment
with the people we love is.
You never forgot and never stop loving them,
you just slowly learn to let go and accept the fact
they’re no longer of this world but forever in our hearts