i wish i could forgive my mother
let go of those bible verses she stabbed me with
but i keep using band aids instead of stitches
and forgiveness feels like a heaven i don't believe in

i wish i didnt flinch away every time she touched me
my mother never hit me, but she never needed to
i still confuse her gentle brushes with pain

i wish i didnt talk to her with gritted teeth
but i have to keep myself from spilling somehow
and if the words come out, im scared they will sound like my inner child screaming
why why why why why why why why
i was just Trying

i was a child
and you wanted me to be a gold star