Sometimes,
I wonder,
Do you think about me?
Not a day goes by that
I don't think of you.
The way you
Never failed to tell me you loved me,
Always made my day brighter,
Helped me through my depression,
The way you were there for me in a time where I was at my darkest.
How you hated tomatoes, except on pizza.
How you wanted to be in the Army.
How you called me every night before I went to bed,
Just to tell me I make you happy.
How we planned our wedding,
Named our kids not yet born.
How I kissed the scars on your wrist,
Because they were part of you,
And you were beautiful.

Sometimes,
I wonder,
Did you care at all?
Was it hard to cheat on me
Or was it easy as breathing?
Was it hard to remember to tell me you loved me?
Was it hard to love me at all?
Did I not try hard enough or too much?
Did you forget what you promised me,
Or did you not care?
Was it easy to leave her?
Was it easy to lead me on?
Was it easy to leave me the way you found me,
Broken and hopeless?

Sometimes,
I wonder,
How I got through those lonely nights,
Sobbing into my pillow
Because I lost the only light that I had.
How I knew no one could love me the way you did,
If you loved me at all.
How I didn't just drag that knife over my neck
As I dreamed of doing so many times.
How you left me with the monsters in my head,
With no love to fend them off.


Sometimes,
I wonder,
Do you think about me?
Because I think of you.
Every day.
You were the first man I loved,
And the first person who taught me that
Love can destroy.
Because your love destroyed me.
You built me up,
And tore me down.
Do you think about how you hurt me?
How I cried over the phone,
When I told you I could no longer be with you.
When I chose my own sanity over our toxic love.
Over my toxic love.


Every day,
I remember
All the pain you put me through.
How the good times don't make the bad times more bearable.
How I wish you the best,
Because you weren't a bad person.
You were a ****** person,
Leading me on when you didn't really care.
But you weren't bad.
So I hope you get everything you deserve in life.
Because,
Sometimes,
The best way of moving on
Isn't letting go,
It's showing the person who did you wrong kindness,
And hoping they drown in it.