Jul 2022
I thought about you
For a long time
I yearned for the connection
I wanted you
For all that you are
Safe, intelligent, wholesome
A spiritual man
An ambitious and socially conscious and caring man
One with patience and heart
One who made me smile
And want more
One who pushed me
And challenged me
One who made me question what I really want
You were with me and gone
Because I had to walk away
And you chose to inch your way back
And commit
And now we are together
For short or long
For my better judgement or not
My heart was with you the entire time away
So why would I not join again
Smiling, I take your hand
And you support me
And I support you
I feel myself falling
Already fallen really
But I do not want to have babies
Maybe my brain is still a baby
Maybe she is growing and reflecting and in 10 years I will
But you want them sooner rather than later
And I do not know if I even want them
I do not even know if I want to stay in the military
Or what route if I do stay
Or if I need to leave and do van life
And maybe these are all indeed premature worries for a relationship that is still in its own infant stage
These have a way of getting away from me
But here I am
Writing my feelings for you
Thinking of your eyes I could melt into
Your hands I love to hold
Trying to have a healthy relationship
Because you are what I want
Some worries include our varying libidos and appetites and interests
All related to one of my favorite topics
***
Some worries include the children thing
Or maybe the god thing- you love him and I do not acknowledge it’s existence
And these valid worries are significant
Quite important
But they are all the things I love most about you
That I admire
And adore
Your love of children and God and more
Your love of what is right and good and your passion to help
Today you called
And said I had to love you for all that you are
For when you do not want to cuddle or for when you want alone time
And I said oh do not worry and laughed
And maybe you realized and maybe you didn’t
It is because I already find myself in love with all of you
For a long time
I yearned for the connection
I wanted you
For all that you are
Safe, intelligent, wholesome
A spiritual man
An ambitious and socially conscious and caring man
One with patience and heart
One who made me smile
And want more
One who pushed me
And challenged me
One who made me question what I really want
You were with me and gone
Because I had to walk away
And you chose to inch your way back
And commit
And now we are together
For short or long
For my better judgement or not
My heart was with you the entire time away
So why would I not join again
Smiling, I take your hand
And you support me
And I support you
I feel myself falling
Already fallen really
But I do not want to have babies
Maybe my brain is still a baby
Maybe she is growing and reflecting and in 10 years I will
But you want them sooner rather than later
And I do not know if I even want them
I do not even know if I want to stay in the military
Or what route if I do stay
Or if I need to leave and do van life
And maybe these are all indeed premature worries for a relationship that is still in its own infant stage
These have a way of getting away from me
But here I am
Writing my feelings for you
Thinking of your eyes I could melt into
Your hands I love to hold
Trying to have a healthy relationship
Because you are what I want
Some worries include our varying libidos and appetites and interests
All related to one of my favorite topics
***
Some worries include the children thing
Or maybe the god thing- you love him and I do not acknowledge it’s existence
And these valid worries are significant
Quite important
But they are all the things I love most about you
That I admire
And adore
Your love of children and God and more
Your love of what is right and good and your passion to help
Today you called
And said I had to love you for all that you are
For when you do not want to cuddle or for when you want alone time
And I said oh do not worry and laughed
And maybe you realized and maybe you didn’t
It is because I already find myself in love with all of you
