I want to know you in the worst way
The face you make when you first wake up
Shocked by the alarm that goes off in the dark

Not the paper daisies spray-painted pink that you post

Your breath after a night of drinking
Your beaded forehead and sticky hair

Not the smooth skin I’ve used to weave my fantasies

I want to know you in the worst way
The uncontained, rageful vengeance you feel
When you’ve started the same sentence again

Not the voice of reason you’ve been lip-syncing with

The you that shouts unforgivables and cruelties
The you that begs for forgiveness for your cruelty

Not the stone that sits in the garden, forever the same

I want to know you in the worst way
The way someone used to love you
The one you tried your best with

Not the bridges you doused with gas out of “courtesy”

The you that dances alone in your room
By the spotlight of a cheap lamp you thrifted

Not the performer who’s comfortable on the daily stage

The you that floats like a paper daisy on the river