He felt bad for not being there but didn't like all the slander spread about his name. From the old to new he didn't like change but he was changing. Thankful and glad to to be growing. He couldn't stay the same. While others hold onto his past thinking it will be a tool to be used against him.
Not his crowd anymore not part of that life. He'd fight for them and they'd fight against him in a heart beat waiting for the moment. They'd use the numbers against him rather talk to him individually.