the first time was more my fault
than anything else, but
it was his fault too.
i wouldn't have had to act like that
if he wasn't a liar.
but it ruined things for me
because now i don't trust people
and i don't think i will
the second time was split 50/50
i fell for a person who was what i thought was good
but she really wasn't. and she led me on
and possibly to get me off her case,
she hung out with people who cosplay better than me
and then she said:
"i could be there for you like an older sister might be to a younger sister"
so i cut her out and she cut me out
and i tried to get over her and the butterflies left and were replaced
but an empty feeling, but they came back
when she ran up to me and hugged me after we mutually hadn't talked
for maybe 2 months or so
and now i really don't trust people
the third time was entirely my fault
because he was friendly
and warm and a welcome face in a crowd of those
who were entirely too unforgiving.
but it was just that: being friendly
and i am a stupid little girl who thought that
his attempts at recruiting me for the drama club
and the fact that off the bat,
even when he knew people in the class,
he asked me to be his partner
were signs of interest
but i guess not because who would want me?
especially when there were people his age.
i let myself get my hopes up
sky high
and theyre crumbling to the ground.
and to think that i was starting to get better
at having faith in myself;
feeling better about myself;
*trusting people