title: leftover;
body: comb-over blonde
"bruise".

the music is not loud enough...
i SAID: THE MUSIC IS NOT LOUD ENOUGH!
the cats look bothersome,
circling me like i'm to something...
there's still plenty to do to fill the day...
Ghost's Call Me Little Sunshine...
of course i've been drinking...
looking out for swans in the clouds...
and Behemoth...
what a pristine winter this has come to be....
no better season to fall in love...
i still have to do the vacuuming...
will i iron my shirts today, or is that... tomorrow?
i don't give a **** about how she feels...
i like feeling in love...
i love it more when i've drank a little
and have a canvas of responsibility
before me, itching me with all those priors...
i love how i'm feeling at this moment...
today i said my first cliché...
it felt that i awoke into a dream...
no, not even i tried to burn my left hand's knuckles
with cigarette buts....
it wouldn't matter... i enjoy pain...
that's the "problem".... i think i'm still dreaming...
given that i dream so little
when sleeping... i just sleep...
zombie cult of the void: that's me...
she'll think very little of it...
but i just gave her a piece of my soul...
my handwriting...
            when females write they write...
voluptuously... girly...
they write like they look...
oh mein gott... and if they connect the letters?
i was once allowed
before the QWERTY transformation
took place...
i write in digits... i wish i could retain
the "ancients" handwriting, connecting
the letters in a word and segregating the words
apart... alas... ha ha...
i stroke my beard imagining a violin...

i was looking at the sky and thinking of etymology...
a few birds flew by...
if gołąb: for dove sounds ugly...
what about the English equivalent of
seagull - in my tongue it's a: i'll need to employ
the tetragrammaton to stress the aesthetic...
m'eh-v'ah... mewa... (w = ł = v / vw)...
there's no 5 in the ****** tongue...
"double U" my ***... it's a double V... 55...

swan vs. łabądź...
                             i'm sorry to say...
English has no supposed superiority as a language
per se... it's the values of the English that
make it such a desirable destination...
the language itself is a ******* Frankenstein ugly...
there are just too many loops in the holes
in it... to allow myself to be defending it...
then again... i will, regardless...

but there are certain nouns that sound better
in different languages...
blau sounds better than blue...
better still... NIEBIESKI...
red... rot... CZERWONY (ČERVONÝ)...

and all this pronoun crap... sure... sure... i took
the royal approach... you want gender neutrality?!
my "preferred" pronouns are:
ONE & WE... how's that?
one might add, that we ought to fathom taking up
this sort of approach, are we agreed upon?
i'm a foreigner, this is not my native tongue...
but if the natives want to abuse their zunge to
the extent that foreigners mind the supposed
revisions... you know you're knee-deep in sham-b'oh...
****...  what's a szambo? in the countryside
that's the hole in the ground where all the ****
is deposited into...

  yeah... oh... oh... you figured?! ******* Sherlock over
'ere is on the wrong side of...
what it feels like having been born in a former
satellite state of the Soviet Union at a time
when western capitalism was giving the red button
on exporting metallurgy from Europe &
everything else toward the project:
Made In China...

                 what are we doing?
     ****'s sake... for the most part i think i'm just...
loitering... getting brain-drain...
but that's just me... perhaps other people think they're
actually important... those casually orientated
busy-bodies... me? i'm just loitering...
getting my brain drained from existence...
juiced up into a pickle-jar...

it's enough for me to stub out cigarettes on my knuckles
in order to make my job easier...
just look more intimidating...
persuade the football hooligans to desist from
trying to have a physical confrontation with
you... just like a bicyclist can become
a "shepherd" of the traffic...
if he knows the formidability of arrogance...
or aggressive cycling...
the cars will follow suite...

            and all this talk of love... i still have to vacuum
the house... clean the toilet... blah blah...
check on my bicycle... since all for green power...
blah... and i like the idea of generating my own
momentum... radfahren in die nacht...

lucky me for not wanting "enough" money...
just have these banknotes from Imperial Russia....
and those gold coins with
the emblem of Nicholas II... keep them safe...
now, the dictates of petty women playing their games...
their petty games... while i sit back & watch....
i know that i'm sitting on mint...
if i'd walk up to any Russian Oligarch...
i'd get back 100x the returns...
i'm just waiting for the right time...
but i'm just waiting... loitering like a fly...

            i won't be eating much today....
i can play the role of LOSER...
    i'll wait... and... i'll wait...
          i'm sitting on a jackpot... though...
it's a nice filter to have...
        of the people that treat me nice...
of the people that treat me like ****...
i'll still buy them flowers....
much easier compared to dancing
on their graves...

    oh... Jeminah... your name ought to be a curse
word for me... all the prior Gemmas...
Jemmas... have been nothing but curses
in my "calendar"...
with one i asked for a photograph
so i could sketch her back to her...
she agreed...

          i will continue to love...
even if i'm to be topped up with exasperation(s)...
i will love... because...
there's no amount of adrenaline
that can match up to this sort of level
of exhaustion.....
    i love because of what i feel,
rather... what i'm expected to give / forgive...

solipsist, i,
i like feeling what i necessarily am reluctant
to give.