No memory stays fresh forever
saturation floods away
and pixels replace your pores
that I store
in the darkest corners that I can find
I wish there were corners dark enough
to hide you away inside of my mind
but those will never be
just like you & me
I miss scratching my nails on your jeans
and missing your kids still feels foreign
but I'm working on things...
And while your actions are the source
of where so much of my behavior came,
I hold accountability mixed with looming shame
I wasn't my best self when I was with you
and for a little bit we both were really trying
but there was so much crying
and even though I always thought it was healing
I didn't realize it was only building
reasons for you to eventually leave
and tell me "you're too much for me"
when my "too much" was something
you were once loving
admiring
and revering
pull from my spine
all these feelings I can't get rid of
I wish for your memories of me
to remain only with gold ties along their edges
there's damage in your lips and mine
I never wanted any of this