Last night I felt myself finally lighter
I felt the weight of hate leave my face
The heaviness of what you think of me soften
Feeling you noticed all my faults and defeats
But you couldn't look inside my pain
Not idealizing my delivery either
I sat under many words
Never rolled and never lived

And there were days I hid away my accomplishments
Feeling I couldn't share trying to make you feel less small
Body confidence down the drain
So I became one in the same
And I'll do all I can do
To trust myself again
To rebuild myself
To let you go
Thousands of pages, let's go
Pushing pieces together that were never meant to fit
Missing the mark
The old-age case of friends having a falling out
Only this one was ages ago
What else is there to say
But that you will never know what I have been going through

Wish you were more gentle and less cold
Move past the icy past
Yet I was so overlooked deliberately ignored by design
Apologies brushed over and checking out
Cause it wasn't on your time
Nice guys do what is told
Watering down feelings
That's not my reasons
But never knowing if I was on your good side
Tracing my footsteps to understand why
Slowly digging myself into a grave
You have many warped around your tears
You’re so good
Playing animosity like a violin
And I believed I was no good
And so easy to let go

A day on the edge of a break
I fought back my tears of shame
Couldn't really get a word in
I couldn't explain
I didn't know if you could see
But I was sure you all did
No one said a word
So convinced I was hiding it well
And well you said some warm words I will never forget
Still today always grateful for that fragile moment
And all of the unfolding even where I lost it all
Gaining myself above it all
So I'll keep sending myself roses
In hopes of softening all the hurt
To mourn the friendships
I felt I once had.