Hi, I’m Arcadya. I claimed this name after I was leaving the old and leading into the new. But it only really fit until now. Going back to 2009. You know the time you just needed to get by? Looking for role models, but no one existed, but you. Once upon a time, I became my own hero consisting of planned seductions, secrets, and being a %100. Love, that was hard to maintain you know nights only God could help you see the light. But she never showed up at my doorstep until May 2019.

I’m also called A. And on a scale of 1 to 100, I was dying inside in form of chronic pain, nausea, and anxiety attacks. And the people who passed me by never said goodbye. I’d be lying if I said I don’t hate goodbyes, I didn’t miss you, and I forgive you. I get it, times are hard, and we all gotta get through the day. Even if it’s straight-up denial. But is it too much to ask for a good friend at the end of the day? If it’s not at all but partly on me, deep emotional connections felt like a gateway into my childhood despair. Alienation my friend and fearful, so I stayed up until sunrise.

And well if you're still listening I have some more questions. Where was my safety? And where is it now? Locked up and so I questioned my life. And where is heaven? And Is this hell? Cause I feel misunderstood, but I am choosing discomfort over being resentful. But who am I if not speaking my mind? And questioning time. So yeah, I’m red hot candle wax already lit and high and my mind tends to race. Mediation my religion cause all is lost and gone. And kind words lead me the way. So I tattoo affirmations cause we see every day. So meet me at night when I’m loose and I unwind. A sight only for the patient and kind. Life’s a spiral journey and sometimes it feels all too much. But every day is a step further from my despair. And so, I remember and dream as I shield little ole me at night and say what I always longed to hear that, baby it’s alright and everything will be okay.