i never could've been,
could i?
the one you wanted,
the one you yearned for

and i knew it
all the should'ves in the world could never have saved me
and all the doubt i feel would be the death of me
i wasn't attached until i was

and somehow the moment i was
it was over
goodbye

like never a word was exchanged between us
like we had never known each other like we do
how can you know me better than i know myself
and now be a stranger?

how can i know you like i do
and never be allowed to say a word?
you said friends and here we are,
you've made a fool of yourself and

i still miss you,
which makes a fool of me
a fool indeed,
a fool who loved you a way she didn't understand

an absolute jester, a clown
someone for you to laugh at
i wish i had more self respect
than to still need you

or feel like i need to
talk to you every day
when the reason we're here
is because we had nothing to say

because we were no one without each other
but not even ourselves together

and i was pained by you,
the fact that we weren't who we wanted to be
so now i am without a warmth to hold me again
because i must learn to be my own

you ruined me
but i am determined to find myself for the first time
in my life