Tourette’s
uncontrollable
loud inside stares from outside
Suffering from inflated embarrassment and shame
Unknown, only known by me
suppressed until I cannot anymore
I am not my tics, but they are in me
they follow me, poke me jabbing to be included in my life
sudden, and uncomfortable they feel extreme
I blink excessively to shrug off the tickle in my brain
My shoulder seizes and jerks back in forth up and down
With no warning, I start to yell or grunt, scared of my excessive tics
I cry afterwards full of shame and misery
Hands start to flail as I rock back and forth
back and forth back and forth, I’m okay I am going to be okay
Comfort in the uncomfortable knowing my secret that cannot be exposed in my own company
but what about when there are others around me,
I hope no one noticed and I feel like a failure once again
I suppress when others are around and free my spirit when alone
I look at myself and my face contorts until it feels correct and the tics are over
Until next time I feel the uncontrollable
nonstop
smothering
repressed
constraint of my tics