Spark up the cigarette, my emotions are about to hide behind the smoke
I lay my head down and tears start telling my pillow all my secrets.
Just like the sun rises and sets, this routine is my escape.
Each tear holds my fear, my worry, my happiness
How do I live on leaving my teacher of love behind
How do I continue my journey with no surety that she sleeps well?
How do I leave my protector behind
What if the teacher is tired and she doesn’t notice the protector sleeping in the cold?
How do I leave my, my parents, behind
How do I give my siblings the freedom to experience life?
Someone once told me that I have to be selfish so I can live
How does one live a selfish life with no regrets?
How is being selfish the only answer to creating happiness measured by the world and not you?
I have lived the life of selfishness, loved it, cherished it, and allowed it to destroy me.
Selfishness is wine some like it fresh and some old just like memories.
You can try to sell the stories of your life for money but certain memories won’t escape your tongue.
The reason you breathe
The reason you smile
The reason why you understand
Memories are the reason.
Memories can also be the reason you are pushed over the edge but
Memories are the reason you question
When Is it right to stop breathing without hurting everyone
When is it okay to sleep with darkness and tell your secrets while tangled up in a sweaty war of who’s the saddest
One day you’ll have the urge to leave with everyone's blessings and know they'll be there in one piece when you return.
Your mind won’t let you rest if this act is one to harm others

These days smiling feels expensive and every time I bargain disappointment dances in my heart
It's best to expect that everyone is bad because surprises are better than expectations drowning in boiled wine
Oh well, by the time you are done reading I would have bargained for the cheapest happiness that lasts until the next trigger.
Let me take the happiness and share it before it reaches its expiry date.