I have squandered my soul again
I yearned for a tourniquet;
clutched my aching limbs 
as I bled out onto the floor,
onto myself

I’ve stolen fleeting things,
beget to me, lost to time
I have been conditioned to rot;
to survey eternity 
from behind the gate of the mind

I keep tricking myself
Surreptitious riddles, ghost of night
Resuscitating nothingness
regurgitating, heaving death

I keep deepening my desire to die
But I don't want to dissolve,
I want metamorphosis;
reintegration with the tapestry;
to begin dreaming, as an artist,
and paint my blood onto the canvas 
of the universe

My spirit leaves me
in unsanctimonious wanderings;
each time I flitter between
love and loss and longing

I would only ask:
let me cling to nothing,
understand without being crushed;
allow me relinquishment
Forgive me