i tried to put on paper the way you make me feel
blotted onto a back lit screen
and on the pages littering the corners of my room

i tried to make sense of weighted absence in my bed
still sunlight, stripping my sheets,
golden as your hair in the morning

i tried these things and many,
my methodical, logical mind turning circles over and around
the shape of your body and
                                                   the walls of your mind
bouncing over the articulation of your voice
still resonating on the walls of my room

and i came to a comfortably uncomfortable denouement
that liking you
was absent of reason,
                                         conclusion,
                                                                         solution,
no resolution
                                       adequate for the disgruntled mathematician
                        hired for the rationalization of my brain

how insane

                                       so i'll remain

infatuated with the colors in your eyes and the dull thud of your feet on the earth
no attachment to acumen, let my hand off the rip cord
and trust that the fall and the pain it may bring

is so unquestionably worth having you, having me.