the hardest thing i ever did
was take a shower
its easy to let them **** me
its easy to fade
its easy to slide into the back of my mind
like i was never there
like that wasnt me
but it was me
and i know its not my fault
but how can i not blame myself
when i was three years old
my mother said she needed me to do it
that i was the only money she had
and when i was six i watched her do so many drugs
that it stole her from me
and i wasnt sure how to live
because what do you do
after youve been ***** ten times a day
for three years straight
when thats all youve ever been good for
when your convinced thats all you will ever be good for
it took my father ten years
to finally learn the truth
learn why i was so scared to open up
why i locked the door when i showered
why i checked the lock four times
why i constantly peered out of the shower
and washed myself as quickly as possible
often not bothering to rinse the soap from my hair
because if you took to long
you where joined
or worse she would yell
tell me how much of a waste i am
my dad always wondered why i hated showering
and it was always because
the hardest thing i ever did
was take a shower