A puzzled thing of thoughts.
Its own harsh judge
Watching always this mess of
Nothing great and nothing grand.
Two parts of one facing off.
Desperate for and too guarded.
Loving, outwardly too much
To entertain such notions,
Placed purposely by subtle sabotage.
Sculpting the view the two sides
Agree to see him to be.
Now I'm realizing what's been done.
Too long, too far gone, too late to change
Back to anything the one may want.
Ive brought this on and I ****** up
Adjust my acceptance to a lonely
Life to wait through until gone
Because I've been afraid and I got exactly what cowards ought to.  
An awful thought to wake up each day believing.