I loathe you.

I’d finally gotten to a place,
happiness on my face,
accomplished and proud,
wanted to sing out loud

But that’s
                     all
                             gone.

My body is my enemy,
a never-ending foe
I’ve tried hard to move to acceptance
Neutrality in the least
Yet here I am still angry
My body is a beast.
Hypersensitive to every touch
Every feeling I endure
Extra pounds and never-ending fat
I hate it, that’s for sure.

How’d I let this happen?
Get so out of line?
I crave stability
Need it.
For my small smile to shine.

This self hatred is deep seated
This failure hits me hard
Need to do my best to stay on track
Make sure to keep up my guard.

Is this delusional?
Probably.
Most would balk at my self critical remarks.

But until I can get back to where I was
My mind will be in the dark