Is it self loathing?
Even a warped self awareness perhaps?
Maybe, maybe not.
Maybe its acceptance.
The forced march forwards to inevitable doom,
I am the war council and the soldier.
I am the battlefield and I am the on winning side,
For if I win I lose and if I lose I win.
The world is the house and the house will always win.
Funny, it seems. Absurd almost.
How much I just don't care anymore.
Empathy eaten away.
Pacman running rampant, severing the ties that bind myself to this war.
Godhood, ascension. A lobotomy to save the flesh from its commander.
We'll go over the top soon I'm sure, we can't hide in this trench forever.
We'll see the sky and feel the warmth. The bullet ridden carapace a legacy with an eye on the abyss.
The struggle over, no capitulation.