He wondered why were they talking about him. He analyzed the situation not the person. He respected what they felt and thought because he had his own things going on to be worried what others were saying about him.
He thought highly of them while they made him out to be crazy for speaking up.
He loved to be involved but since it required him to give up who he was deny himself he couldn't do it. He was making moves in silences behind the scenes. He couldn't be the lead because everything became his fault. He couldn't handle the pressure all he wanted was to work hard get his part done.
The mind is everywhere can't please or make everyone happy. He didn't put his happiness in the hands of others. He down played his ego moving forward was hard since it kept pulling him back. He knew he had to grow and change with the seasons change life was ambiguous. Everything happened late for him it was inevitable