hope is a fairy tale that i no longer believe in
my liar of a mother
told me hope is a forever friend
my forever friend left me
in the middle of a **** storm called
MARRIAGE.

hope was the name of a daughter,
i never had
never birthed
never nursed

hope cheated on me with bitterness
they ran off together to a land
that i cannot enter
where my strangeness is forbidden
and my name is unknown

hope is a rejection letter
that i keep receiving
the same **** words, repeated
over and over
in different cursive
by different senders

hope is a mindless drunk
intoxicated by listless lies
"i will call you"
"i will love you"
"i am your friend"
lies that i once believed
in my naive adolescence

hope is a reoccurring nightmare
a dark, hooded figure
with a noose for a head
and shovels for hands
digging a grave,
imbedded in my soul
a metaphorical black hole
representing all that i have lost

hope is a future that i cannot see
hope is a gift that i will never receive
hope is a fairy tale
a story with the happiest of endings
hope is a myth
in which i cannot believe