saying goodbye is a strange gesture. the lingering knowledge you'll see them again eases the startling punch of the word. but when you're fully resolved, when you've finally dug yourself out of the depths, saying goodbye to the single person you saw your entire life with, twists your insides, stretches them out and when they snap back you're left standing stationery with whiplash.
this exact moment, all the fear and heart break, bundled tightly into the lump in my throat, should be making me feel more severely than it is. but i almost feel nothing, and you feel like a lifetime ago.