there are nights where i
fear i may die in my sleep
and so i stay awake til
the morning light floods my
window & birds chirp

i have not died yet
thousands of days i've slept,
eaten, breathed and moved
and while i've never experienced
the situation i fear
it doesn't stop me from my anxieties
that grip my ankles and pull with
a force that cannot be stopped
i grab at the headboards and hold
on for dear life but
my hands always slip

there are nights where i
fear i may die in my sleep
and maybe the desire i have to survive
is proof enough that i have it in me to live
but i still cry at random times
and i can't visualize a future where i'm happy
and it feels like time is slipping away
yet i never try to reach out and grab it

i am not scared of dying
as much as i am scared of death
i've always hated change
and this is the biggest of them all
i want to get better but
it feels so far off
and taking one step forward
is hard enough as it is

there are nights where i
fear i may die in my sleep
tonight is one of those nights
and so i stay awake