i see the way they are and i fantasize
the amount of pain i go through to seem alright
in the single slice of reality it all seems glamorized
without all of the shadows none of it would seem so bright
introducing ideas into the mix i never sought
a factory of feverish and jealous thoughts
i want to be beautiful but i'm just not
left to my devices and i'm bound to stalk
just to see what could've been if i wasn't torn
misfortune loomed long before i was born
generational trauma i never signed up for
i always hated everyone else for having more
than i ever could no matter how hard i tried
with their licenses and friends every friday night
while i was herded and degraded by every adult in my life
they laughed on the stairs i'd hide under to cry
now they're discovering themselves and i'm barely in my skin
progressing in their relationships while i've only just started making friends
i know it's not their fault i'm staggered in my development
it's just that watching them get to be happy makes me resent
them for being able to blossom so soon
i wonder if i will ever bloom
tracing my thoughts in the dark of my room
trying to trust the process knowing i expected results too soon