My fear is light pink
written April 26th, 1995

my fear is light pink
light pink painted over the walls
of the room i grew up in

a child's room painted pastel pink
the color of cotton candy
a nice color for a little girl
a little girl

little (from webster's)
small in size, amount, degree
small in importance or power
short in duration

a child small in size, amount, and degree
dependent on those around her
little body trying to hide
never succeeding

a child small in importance or power
little fists balled up
lacking physical power
lacking importance or value

a childhood short in duration
when do children become adults?
when the damage has been too great?

those little years
that are now the basis
of the rest of my long life
a life that sometimes feels like an eternity

pink is
the color of early sunsets
candy hearts at valentine's day
beads in a child's necklace
and the color of my fear
my fear

fear wrapped around me
surrounding me
blinding me with its
sickening sweet color
ever-present

not just any child
a girl child
me