Being a nerd you have to get used to being invisible. When someone actually cares about you and see you for you. That's when the invisibly fades and suddenly you aren't invisible anymore.
To think you once thought you were worthless now someone says you are beautiful and not a burden to love.
They leave and suddenly you think something is wrong with you.
Writing symptoms of anxiety and depression in a journal hoping to get rid of the pain of getting emotionally attached to them.
Busy is code word for you aren't a priority to them. Time continuing them fading into the background of life. Suddenly your freckles are cute as they say at youth group. Your chest warms for a little while and everything is back to normal. You are told that you have a strong jawline before homecoming then those green eyes gazed at you and that smile with that one dimple consumes you into a happy reality.
If only I knew popular choir girl ever love and care for you when it's benefits them. Poster girl for Christianity and everyone thinks she is perfect then you are just her supporter for years then the label best friend is branded on you as the public watches you make a fool of yourself for this girl with green eyes. The hubris and the stupidity to ever give unconditional love to a girl who is beloved by crowds. You aren't perfect, girl with green eyes. You are selfless when it benefits you because I am a talented writer while you sing people into your adorable charm. You, girl with green eyes may say you are weird but you fit into this religious small town while I don't and I never have fit in. I hangout with genius while you kiss up to people who only care for you because you are a benefit to their life. You, girl with green eyes heard the rumors about me, why didn't you run when you had the chance? I still care and love you girl with green eyes. Why do you hate cussing and me telling the truth? How much do you hide from the world other than your selfish networking? You hid your cancer diagnosis from me. Afraid that I will spill your secrets? I am not heartless and soulless like most people in this town. I gave you my big secret and you scared me because you rebuked me for being me. Afraid to handle a brutally honest bi girl? Well you should be. I will become famous with my writings while you chase after boys who have wait for you to sing in order to fall for you. You may be beautiful but I know the monster you are. Remember that girl with green eyes. Being narrow-minded gets you nowhere. Take notes about me embracing the outcasts and having my own army. Where was your crowd when you had cancer? I was there for you every chance I got. I proved myself to be your best friend because I thought you were only person in the world who valued me. I was wrong in the best way. There are so many people like me. Mentally ill, weird in a good way, who love books and pop culture references and who enjoy deep conversations about life. I don't hide my politics and I don't have an agenda. Enjoy your strings while you can girl with green eyes because I live without strings attached to me. I am free so why do you choose to live in a cage? Just curious it's the reporter in me. You should meet Coffee Boy now that's somebody who cares about people who enter his coffee shop. I had to sleepover at your house to earn coffee and a personal journal from you. I never told you all of my secrets and I am grateful for that because you wouldn't understand what it is like to be me. I may have a broken heart and a broken mind but I have never been more me in my life. Madness is true freedom. To put it simply, to be broken is find new worlds that people haven't discovered. I find light where the darkness swallows me up. You are too afraid to burn bridges because this town gave you a mask that you didn't even want. You never even made friends with my genius best friends. I granted the best friend title to you because I fell for you. They earned that title. That's the difference between you and them. We nerds are gifted in what we put our minds to and want independence from our parents who spoil our passions with expensive gifts on Christmas. You were given your life on a silver platter and had a silver spoon in your mouth for so long you never thought to get independence from your parents. I know you have a picture perfect Christian family but I still know to some degree some part of you have madness in you. I guess that's what I loved about you, your madness. Please flourish your madness, I beg you girl with green eyes. You have the whole world eating at your palm for your normal story but madness is where an army is made. Stop being invisible girl with green eyes because I only noticed you because you chose me as your best friend. Just imagine what your crowds think of you. Wait you don't analyze every situation like I do so you don't know about being forgotten and abandoned by heroes. I don't buy your normal story for one second because I know you like every poem I write. Predictable, already written and in my journals. I have everything on you and you got nothing on me because I thrive and evolve while you dissolve under pressure. You would be nothing without me and I would still me regardless.