i tried to write you a letter once but was unsure of the address for the heavens where you shine not "Heaven" per say but the stars that gained your carbon as you selflessly gave it away
turns out celestial bodies aren't listed in the yellowpages
i tried sending you smoke signals twice but the message was so **** long and it read more like a song and you never much liked my lyrics anyway
i moved on to morse code spent night after night lying on my back with a flashlight dripping ceasless patterns of dots and dashes into that murky blue puddle of midnight sky as if maybe you'd reply with a simple "hush" and a shyly sigh
it finally dawned on me that you probably couldn't decode it that your parents probably never made you learn i cursed them for not teaching you how best to reach me
now i'm getting older and colder and alot less wide-eyed and hopeful
now i just hope you can hear me speak
the click in the back of my throat that comes with trying not to cry the sincerity in my 'love you's and my 'miss you's and in my uncensored ungaurded love that i ash onto your headstone from the end of my pregnant joints
now i just hope you can taste the beers i bring to share with you as i'm rambling along the rails of my de-railing train of thought and ripping through that sixer i brought you and your cheap taste in beer
i hide the bottle caps in those little metal vases that your mom keeps filled with florist foam and different colored silk lillies they always look so nice
now i just hope you can read me better than you ever could before
i hope you've decoded the lines in my palms and the ***** of my feet and the cracks in my nicotine teeth as i'm smiling wildly at the earth that keeps your ashes safe close to her breaking heart
i hope you can read the quotation atop your grave i'd have never imagined that the one permanent thing i could ever give you was the last line of the last text that i'd ever send your way
i meant it back then but now it means so much more
"sleep sweetly, philly, you will never be forgotten"