I can't stop thinking about all those times I said no
all those times I said I didn't want to when
when I pushed you off my body
"But why don't you want me to, you're so hot, I would want everyone to see my body if it looked like that," you said
as my eyes filled up with tears
I got up and left as I began to hear loud noises of objects being thrown to the floor as you screamed in anger
I was so scared
I waited at your porch in the freezing weather while the snow poured down, only wearing a long sleeve shirt knowing it would be hours until I was able to get picked up
thirty minutes later you came outside apologizing for your anger promising you just wanted me to be warm and safe and that you were done trying to use my body
I believed him and went back into his room
you turned on the tv and began to touch me again in all the same places
I looked at you with tears in my eyes and stayed silent while you did as you pleased