as if that wasn't enough - he most certainly didn't
eat much in the 3 days since -
lying in bed: trembling with a fear of god -
from last night his intention to enter the imitation
city of Gomorrah -
            not on some moral high note...
he stated his intentions clearly:
                         an hour with a ******* to satisfy
his carnal needs...
would that be less of a conundrum than say...
the urban hook-up culture?
                    in the end... one party pays for something:
if it isn't as obvious as to pay for the deed...
then a payment to entertain... to fill the gut & gob
with treats?
for 6 hours he cycled from the outer reaches
of the city into the inner sanctum...
                            entering Soho just after 3am...
he already saw the carnage of those jovial celebrations...
the street cleaners were already going through
the motions...
the pimps were walking around asking in hushed
murmurings for any possible clientele...
while numerous women in their prime were walking
home alone...
the odd man too... but they still had drinking on
their mind as one, come 5am in Leytonstone dragged
6 bottles of beer for... i guess...
drinking to celebrate sunrise...
but of course, prior to that...
     if you stood with him at the night's zenith...
and wondered... why some stars are fixed while
others appear to be roaming - passing at various
speeds in straight lines...
sometimes even two stars apart: moving in unison...
or... that great fire that was lifted from the earth
and stalked him a while...
glaring like Elijah's mouth...
                          rummaging through his mind
and sinking his heart - entombing it in a labyrinth -
a pebble among thick stone...
                              indistinguishable...
an unforgiving similarity of matter...
             such nights... such moral questions
answered - with only a fear as the prime summary...
could this be him: completely devoid from
passion - paralysed with an investment in what
might come: a judgement - in inescapable litany of
of life: its deeds and misdeeds?
for all that this fear brings...
   a plethora of doubts - scheming platitudes of
negation...
                    O this begrudged life:
how are so many immune to all this...
                         that they even have a maxim:
hulaj dusza - piekła nie ma!
             go wild soul - there's no hell.