Jun 2021
Maybe I can be the girl you want me to be
If I always get a chance to fall asleep after you so I get a chance to cry and comfort myself if I need to
If you look away long enough for me to sneak a chill pill
If you can accept my tenseness because I'm too afraid to shake in front of you
If you can take me slowly changing, losing my kindness and softness
To cater to your calloused heart
And probably, all of this would still not be enough
If I always get a chance to fall asleep after you so I get a chance to cry and comfort myself if I need to
If you look away long enough for me to sneak a chill pill
If you can accept my tenseness because I'm too afraid to shake in front of you
If you can take me slowly changing, losing my kindness and softness
To cater to your calloused heart
And probably, all of this would still not be enough
I left 2 days ago because this relationship was eating me up, at least the way it was going, but I'm absolutely ******* heartbroken. I can't stop sobbing and thinking I was wrong or too sensitive. I told him what would hurt me and he would say I'm too sensitive, or say he had every right to be frustrated at me, but I was working my **** off to make sure he's okay and happy. And then he'd lash out on me when he was stressed. And somehow would make it seem like if only I did "x" he wouldn't be as stressed. But even when I get that thing accomplished, it's onto the next issue with me. I feel not good enough a lot of the time when I'm with him. I wish my heart understood this is what I need to do.
