I see signs
In myself, my mind,
Thoughts and inner dialog.
Often unequal in measure
The encouraging worlds inside
Are given less and less time.
Thoughts thick with tar-like
Nature cling to more and more.
Sticky and persistent, jet black negative
And I consciously fight not to concede.
Grasping, groping, trying desperately
To counter and believe
I am better.  But am I?
The reasons I need, need to keep
Are difficult to find and the line is ever closer.
Signs too common are frequent
Tears that I realize I am crying ?
The calm voice within that speaks of an end.
I banish again and again to no end.  
I've made and am a mess of a man
And I tire of the fight.  Again signs I'm...
Bitter, afraid, and finding that I am to blame for all that I have not in this world.  This tiny life of struggle and bad choices.  Of pushing out before hurt or hurting.  I have accomplished only being missed by none.  Two steps from completely and utterly alone.  And I've felt so all alone to think that there comes yet even farther down is... Not in me. This depth is my limit, anymore and all deals are off.  So I sit and I struggle.  I write, and know I need to find someone I can talk to.  If I will? As I know deep down I must ... Has yet to be seen.  
As if a part of me just doesn't want to.   Growing Whilst Falling Apart is all I'm doing.
If you've read to this end, thank you.  For listening.  I x