I'm tired of this
Every open window
You peer through
Becomes doors swung open
Just to slam in your face
When you get to the threshold
No singular heart
Can possibly sustain
This much agony at once
Why is it trial and error
With every passing face
Heart too big
If you tried to ****
Somehow it would manage
Locating a rhythm
Deeper than any machine
Could hope to detect
It's always move on
She's around the corner
Be a gentleman
Do what they never had done
Managing never to be
More worthy than anyone
You stand beside me
I can't compare
To what she wants
Or what she desires
I'm not the happy middle
I'm the lost cause
Still trying to find
That one heart
That will cradle mine
Long into the silent hours
That taunt me with exhaustion
Plague me with insomnia
If this doesn't end
I might have to
Ceasing a human existence
Just to see how hard I'll be then
To either love or be loved
Admired for positivity
When I'll simply
Focus on only doing
No doing
Void of desire and need
I'll drop dead
From malnutrition in heart mind and body
But they won't care
They got what they chased
I got used without realizing
My dysfunction is a disorder
They'll never cure
It's fool
Hopeless dreamer in the art
Of giving thought a second chance
That for once
I'll be adequate finally
Dear Self
I hope you found her
The messiah to your idiocy
The blessing behind your faith
Maybe you didn't give up
Perhaps you did
Either outcome
Your bound to catch hell
I'm not the type to please
I'm the pleasing type