come to "think" of it... it's not what i write about... it's how "best" i might punctuate... puncture the blinking death... my life is so most lived that it's impossible to detour into topics of holidays or... well... death's a teasing adventure ploy... isn't it? but it's hardly suspect of... blinking. it's still my most incorruptible variation of: "bride"... that death herself: is... from womb toward womb... i see no cradle... i see no grave... what was her name? the name i was in love with? KIN-GA... yeah... that one... nice to know: Darwinism is counter-intuitive to the man who conjured it... the Nimrods reproduce en-masse... the Newton(s) come by ridicule... divine intervention... chance... unlikely for Darwinism to side with those who procreate to do so... for a chance at breeding geniuses... cogs... machinery: simple pleasures demand simple rules... i loved once... now i love no more. not like i used to... i'm exhausted to have the same sort of love i had: anew. i almost want to be fed that lie of meandering utopic love... prior to the needs of biological stressors...*******... prior to "responsibility"... authority of the brick-wall... the amassing greyness of a brick-wall.

i'm not keen on giving out money...
then again: i'm also less willing to give spare
change... coins...
i'm not keen on giving out money
to... "beggars"? the "homeless"...
stray cats, lost dogs...

it would be much easier with dogs though...
although i'm no Diogenes...
companionship with stray dogs...
we might huddle together and have us
a "think"... or a bark-woof-bark...
a woof-wow! something to agitate
the cosmopolitan ladies...
giving money to... those big issue "outlets"...
however many times i walked into
the supermarket for my usual "dose"
of feeling fine: just fine...
when i could "cower" back into
my cobweb and drizzle some words
onto a blank canvas blinking at me:
although - i were the blinker
the canvas remaining static...

so i would walk past her with an air
of... no not superiority... that's beside
the point... with an air:
jeez... the weight of the world...
upon my shoulder... i truly have my problems
too... and i would never look at her...
(the) masquerade of the past year...
call it what you like...
the niqab of secularism...
advent of conspiracy... or just plain sailing
reality of: we're not talking communism...
otherwise: i just don't want to hassle
with a confrontation concerning:
why aren't you wearing a surgical-prop
in an otherwise non-sterile environment...

blah blah... 2nd jab in is when i'll make
my "point" about... whatever's left...
but she's not a ******* slot machine...
i put coins in a slot machine...
but it's not like i could give her...
companionship...
once or twice or whenever i felt like it:
i'd scoop up interactions with
these "lost souls"...
there was this one memorable talk i had
with... oh i see him still... almost 10 years later...
he moved from occupying the vicinity of
Romford train station...
having dragged his *** about 5 miles toward
the A406, and now occupies a spot
around an Irish pub formerly known
as O'Grady's...
he said these words like...
i don't know: it was enlightening akin
to a maxim... 'my mother told me to never lie'...
make sense of that however much you like...
the brain-dozer broke down
whatever...

      here: the penitent man...
i hate giving money away for no reason...
today i had a reason...
came to 25 quid...
5 quid cashback...
what else... throw money at someone...
is like throwing them a fish
instead of a fishing-rod...
god... that old chestnut line of argumentation...
today i felt... benevolent...
the end...

  as i was walking in (thank you soulless,
sunglasses)... i noticed this smile...
oh she's still in her 20s...
i'm guessing Roma... there's something eerie
about the allure of a gypsy woman...
i'm guessing because it hasn't been
fiddled with the Indian caste prejudice...
looks like Genghis... did Genghis ever make
it to Delhi... one might bemoan the sacking
of Baghdad like the Christians torching
the library of Alexandria...
but thoughtless automatons of
the Holocaust... that's what's really happening,
isn't it?
oh don't get me wrong...
i'm sorry too for the poor matchstick maker
who was industrially butchered...
not enough bullets for the gas...
i'm not... joking...
but the torching of the library of Alexandria?!
you know what was... seized by the Nazis...
gold-teeth... shoes... briefcases...
no mention of personal memoirs...
thought didn't die within the confines
of the Holocaust...
well... at the book burning it died...
but when the library of Alexandria was
torched... writing materials weren't
exactly... ha ha...          ah ha ha...
which prompted me to think about...
the whole idea of how the new testament
arose... beside, later, selling it to the northern
barbarians... pacifying them...
well... up to 1410 there was still
a paganism in Europe... Lithuania...
hardly east concerning what constitutes
the end of Europe with the Ural mountains...
by then... Islam was already circa 800 years old...
so...
no... i wondered... people always cite that
the new testament was written in Greek...
right... and the 'ebrews didn't have a problem
with the Roman occupation?
oh... they did... josephus ben matthias wrote
a book about it...
so here's me thinking...
in the age of Aesop... Spartacus... too many years
apart?
Greek pride... and the nature of
the 'ebrew as: SPEZZIAL...

well... what do you get?
oh... i'm pretty sure there was a greco-hebrew pact
worthwhile in spreading the new testament
as propaganda...
it's almost as if... the Greeks disliked the Romans
for plagiarising their polytheism...
Jupiter is... Zeus...
Pluto is... Hades... etc.

      i think it was just a massive Greco-'ebrew
conspiracy to undermine Roman authority...
after all... every time i would kneel in
a catholic mass...
i'd imagine the monstrosity of
******* off a crucified man...
          it's so... demeaning: hyper-sexualised...
kudos to the Islamic
  "gesticulating with the body in a religious context"
then again: what's wrong with
dancing... or what's wrong with
thinking about... pushing a cul-de-sac
vector into the garbage heap of "god":
or blah-lah?

but on my knees armed with
a metaphor for cannibalism?
the ****'s not wrong with that?!

i have built a fetish for the deutsche-zunge
and gypsy girls...
and as i was walking into the supermarket
for my usual dosage
and all things concerning Atlas...
in the corner of my eye i saw
this labouring extension of
post-scriptum prosthetics...
it seemed so genuine...
i was pretending to rummage through
the isles thinking about what not to buy:
rather what was available...
stringy cheese... canned horseshit...
trolley traffic of demanding buyers...
v.i.p. / solipsist types, typos...
you name them... glaciers' worth of people...
could sink a Titanic on a ******* whim...

walking out she shifted her position
while eating crisps...
you can almost tell when giving someone
a banknote rather than a coin...
she's not a ******* slot machine...
you can almost tense a sense of a handshake...
a fiver's a fiver...
i wasn't going to stretch it beyond
the words i uttered to her:

'that's for your beautiful smile...'
i probably was envious of her skin...
her complexion...
mine? mine is... like Beelzebub just took
a massive maggot-dump on it...
remnants of teenage hormones...
that's what i heard... apparently...
acne is what happens to too many
dead white-blood cells...
acne is dead white-blood cells...
what's Alzheimer's? killer proteins...
given the brain is mostly fat...
counter-intuitive...
given the common expression surrounding
the Great Cranium Pickle: flex the mental
muscles...
misnomer "propaganda": no... just plain
misnomer-ism...
to ease the fluidity of common parlance...

sooner rather than later the heavens
opened and rain came... baptismally...
i felt utterly refreshed...
how often doesn't it feel authentic to pay
for a compliment?
i'm personally used to ******* prostitutes
to believe myself: as giving pleasure...
perhaps that's this archaic male...
"innuendo"... of what ***'s about...
i heard it mentioned...
she would either say: not all men...
blah blah... yu haven't changed... blah blah...

i'd brag about a ******* Lamborghini:
if i had one... although i'd sooner brag about
owning a horse: if i had one...
i have a bicycle... which implies:
it isn't a wheelchair...
so i can experience the most out of a dual-carriageway
at speeds of, circa... 30mph...
without lycra or 'elment...

she just had this beautiful smile and i
felt inclined to give her
something for the many times i "ignored" her...
grifting or paying a "slum-rent":
who is, these days, to give out money
in banknotes on a whim?
this was a whim...

by mid-afternoon having cycled toward
Stratford i turned back before reaching
Bow... sniffing out a precipitation
% while watching the gloomy clouds...
i might have checked the weather forewarning...
but when speed's invoked...
and i'm merely peddling...
i conjure up the compound...
in deutsche:
          STURMÜBERBRINGER
how doesn't that sound majestic...
forthcoming... para-socially mythological...
no Canadian could 'elp me with that...
however pop. and psychiatric "he"
might be a worth of his own spew...

she just had these cheekbones of every
hyena's laugh an envy...
5 quid for a smile...
or 120 quie for a ****-off?
eyes that forever tease
and a tongue that's forever undermining
the whole freedom, ha ha...
"freedom" of thought...
there's not much of "it" these days...
IXNAY ON TNE HOMBRE...

tease the quill... dust the feathers:
start looking for a broomstick...
much later: persists discouraging oneself for
a worth of it... doesn't one bother...
the royalty... oh... right...
not yet forthcoming spaghetti-quizzing...
just all the... *******... pandering...

the african slaves.... picked... cotton...
so... ahem... they we're not... coalminers?
oh ugh oh **** me i'm about to choke!
those rebellious cotton-pickers...
i see ***** Goliaths 9ft tall...
and i'm worried about... my use of:
"language"?
******* before i **** someone off...
to hell with black history moonth...

            thank god i'm not a father, either...
the stress of what otherwise relaxes my "complaints":
did the gorilla ever "think" twice about *******
a macaque?
i'm just asking: the elephant ****
a giraffe?
karma sutra suite:
    the phallus of a horse inside
a ****** of a rabbit...
just watching these inter-racial themes...
you'd imagine an x-ray might be... allowed
culmination posits... then again...
why am i not dating an English "bride"?
the... Rotherham... petty tease leftovers?

i love to recycle... it's hardly important for me to...
"ergo" this... diabolical heap...
of... ugh... ugly **** gin & tonic...
i hate gin, though...
this enforced ownership of whatever freedom
is gravitated towards...
like i'm the "father"...

she's a gypsy smile...
i'm a solid 5 quid handshake...
that's the end of the story...
there's not even so much as a 'the end'
to mind... i'm still here... the soft-core continues:
beside any leftover concern for
cinema.