Apr 2021
It’s dangerous,
I feel so terrified of the thought without you.
Yet I also feel as if you leaving,
I have emerged.
You had me believe for so long that I was the problem,
Yet your best friend messaged me and asked if I was okay.
I was confused.
The conversation turned to that you did indeed need help, and actually have to want it.
Also that she realized finally that I do care for you.
It’s funny,
Now that I still can’t get on those funny dating apps
That’s how I met you.
No one is attractive, nor are they interesting.
To you everyone was still interesting and you loved lingering the idea of you cheating on me.
The way every inconvenience in your life would always somehow relate to me.
How when your dad would make you feel like you’re not good enough because he wanted a son instead of you,
You somehow would turn the idea into that being me
When I would open up about my day,
It was something insignificant.
Soon it became everything I opened up to you and was honest about,
You would call me after you’d been drunk and remind me that I deserved to watch those people I loved die
And that I was nothing,
Just meant to be an alcoholic with nothing to live for.
Soon it became you blaming me for your self harming
And the scars and open wounds on your wrists became a reality because I wasn’t good enough to calm you down.
When everyday I would wake up and text you good morning, I love you.
The strangest part was that I showed you and gave you all the love I have...
And towards the end,
You ended up in the psych ward of the hospital when I called the non emergency dispatch to make sure you were alive after our call ended with the sound of choking on ***** like you almost were since you’d been drinking from 2pm to 12am.
And you laughed and said that I never loved you,
And they took you.
And I’m here confused and yet also seeing more
And kassi your best friend checking on me after I’d been calling every hospital in the city turns out I have the most information and all of a sudden they see.
It’s mainly because I have done the work, I love you
How can anyone expect me not to wonder where you are especially since you have the tendency to put yourself in harms way
And no one around you bothered to notice or care that you haven’t n
I feel so terrified of the thought without you.
Yet I also feel as if you leaving,
I have emerged.
You had me believe for so long that I was the problem,
Yet your best friend messaged me and asked if I was okay.
I was confused.
The conversation turned to that you did indeed need help, and actually have to want it.
Also that she realized finally that I do care for you.
It’s funny,
Now that I still can’t get on those funny dating apps
That’s how I met you.
No one is attractive, nor are they interesting.
To you everyone was still interesting and you loved lingering the idea of you cheating on me.
The way every inconvenience in your life would always somehow relate to me.
How when your dad would make you feel like you’re not good enough because he wanted a son instead of you,
You somehow would turn the idea into that being me
When I would open up about my day,
It was something insignificant.
Soon it became everything I opened up to you and was honest about,
You would call me after you’d been drunk and remind me that I deserved to watch those people I loved die
And that I was nothing,
Just meant to be an alcoholic with nothing to live for.
Soon it became you blaming me for your self harming
And the scars and open wounds on your wrists became a reality because I wasn’t good enough to calm you down.
When everyday I would wake up and text you good morning, I love you.
The strangest part was that I showed you and gave you all the love I have...
And towards the end,
You ended up in the psych ward of the hospital when I called the non emergency dispatch to make sure you were alive after our call ended with the sound of choking on ***** like you almost were since you’d been drinking from 2pm to 12am.
And you laughed and said that I never loved you,
And they took you.
And I’m here confused and yet also seeing more
And kassi your best friend checking on me after I’d been calling every hospital in the city turns out I have the most information and all of a sudden they see.
It’s mainly because I have done the work, I love you
How can anyone expect me not to wonder where you are especially since you have the tendency to put yourself in harms way
And no one around you bothered to notice or care that you haven’t n
