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Apr 2021
The images of who I used to be
Fluttering, slipping through my very fingers like
Fine salt and sand
Perhaps they were never mine to begin with

Not the images of who i used to be but
Images of who I desperately wanted to be
Of whom i never was
Which begs to ask

Who am i then?

Will i ever find you?

There’s a heavy statement laying on my throat,
Stopping my speech but not my incessant thoughts

Do i want to find you?

You see, I often look in the mirror, looking for the layers underneath,
The meaning and beauty often found within, but
My fear is, no layers will ever be found, that all there is is
The emptiness watching me back with void eyes

Do i want to find you?

Devoid is what i feel when alone, a sense of not being enough to withstand what is normally withstood,
Loneliness has, at times, been my only friend

Do i want to find you?

I find in my books the people that I want to be,
Filled with a passion and pride that I can never seem to find but,
They must have something right

I find in the eyes of others who i want to be,
Those that sparkle with a sort of desire,
A true sign of being in love with the present, with life
I see this beauty that can’t be found within my own
What do they have that i don't?

Perhaps it was misplaced? I lost it along the way.
Perhaps it was never something i had in the first place
Perhaps I am to only find this sparkle within the eyes of others, never my own
Perhaps it is selfish to want it for myself

Do i want to find you?



Alone,
But you are with me
both of us wish to be somewhere else

Alone,
Do you want to be found?
Or is it better to pretend you don’t exist?

Alone,
You stare back at me,
Defiance, is that what I see?

Or perhaps this is your way of mocking me?

To dare i think that there’s something deeper under my skin
There’s nothing but bone, bone, bone
nothing but me, me, me
Nothing more

The images of who i thought i was

A mask i wore well for so long

I had even fooled myself into the role

The mask is as deep as it gets

The truth that i wish to avoid
I’ve known you my whole life, but I don’t know you

What a poor lover i am indeed

Will you, along with the others, also leave?

They all leave, eventually
There’s no reason to stay  
Wallow in self pity and
The infantile need
Stay stay stay stay please
If not just for a few more moments
Stay with me, please
just don't leave me

Images of you
Images of me
Images of those that would’ve stayed
If I wasn’t me

Flashing
Camera roll shots

If only I wasn't me

Lovers
Friends

If only I wasn’t me

The sparkle in your eyes in mine as well,
We glimmer as we speak

If only I wasn’t me

You lean in and I do too, no rush
Knowing there’s a lifetime ahead of us to explore what we desire

If only i wasn’t me

Your hug being one those that keeps me warm
I find myself coming back to see your glimmer

If only I wasn’t me

I believe you words, your motives
You mean it when you say you love me

If only I wasn’t me

But i know better

How can you love what I cannot bear?
I won't hold it against you

Things would be different
If only i wasn't me


Images
Of the person that I’ll never be
Of the people that i love
Of the lovers that leaved

The love that i could never find for myself
Rests within your hands
Do with it what you please

I’ll be here with the images
Alone,
With me me me me me me me me me me
a ? love ? poem ?

yea ?
Written by
Kaity  19/F/Milky Way
(19/F/Milky Way)   
90
 
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