I let your lips touch mine like church wine.
Just a taste,
my legs around your waist
you led me to the bed.
I saw our silhouettes reflect in the mirror,
you standing there
hands upon my face
running softly along my hair
you laid me down just so you could stare
at how bare my body was and how beautiful
it looked in the hold your eyes had on this moment
where you could trace your fingers along my edges
just to feel how soft it was when you pressed upon it.

It's not always like this.
Sometimes I hate you when don't respond
to something so honest,
but the way you lay your head into my neck
and just breathe
without using your eyes
our bodies
our own little infinity
that I can't even fathom beyond being there.

This was our goodbye.
This was you saying
"I don't want you to wait around for me,
because I want these next four years to be you
doing everything
you've always told me you wanted to do."
This was because of me loving you.

A year made a circumference around my brain
when I was baring myself naked to you
it lapped my skin and touched my lips until I was frightened
from speech and just kept breathing
seven heavy sighs of separation
until I convinced myself that's what it would take
for me to get back to you.

I've been here so many times but not like this.
Not like this where there's no more chances.
Just the shower running and my head on your chest,
just you pushing my hand down when I resist.
But you were slow and gentle and made it feel alright,
and I shouldn't have been crying
but it was so beautiful and this was so beautiful and you
are so beautiful

This was our final moment
one last night,
here we go,
I loved you always
goodbye.

This was our goodbye and let's face it,
a big part of me knows
that it won't just be a year until I see you.
You're never coming back, heart attack
against the realization that once you're gone "for now"
you're gone for good.
So I kissed you like our lips were magnetized and would stay together
even 1,619.9 miles away.
I kissed you to erase the picture of the map in my head,
from point A to point B
and from the start of a journey to its end.

The morning when you leave for the airport and I'm getting dressed alone,
won't be our goodbye
not even when you leave the key and drive
not even when you kiss my forehead
or promise to call
or I'm falling to my knees.

This is our goodbye.
This is our
I believe in you
I'll love you always
goodbye.