conversations had
at the dinner table at
8 pm.
polite curiosity
gentle pushes

my friend has 4 grandsons
who are all around your age.

mom stop. they're looking for brides.she's not ready.

hmm. perhaps. i am
not ready
not only
because i am young
but also perhaps.
perhaps
because i am
with someone.
yes his name she is lovely
the death glare comes from mama bear
nothing will be said
don't worry this secret will fester within this body--
it will stay contained until it
bursts open from its own box--
because protection is required
for the bravest of minds
fooling the ones we love
oh aren't we all too familiar
with this little game

but the ones i love the very most
grandma grandma grandpa
who are shielded from me
as if i am a deadly disease
too strong for their weak bones


you. who gazed in awe upon the ink
on my skin. you.
you who caressed my weary head until it dropped onto
your pillow. you who told me stories of pirates and
princesses.
you.
you are who i will never disclose to.
you are who i must shield. and bite my lip
to stop the tears.

you. you all are my lifeblood. my only loves.
and i can not bear bestowing this pain
upon your intelligible souls. i am selfish.
so very very selfish. but this is love.

and love is selfish.