sometimes late at night,
around three in the morning or so,
i pretend that you are by my side.
i use your old pillow to wrap my arms around,
and put my ear to the cold cloth
but can’t hear your heartbeat,
a once familiar sound.
i can’t feel the rise and fall of your chest
beneath my cheek where I’ve placed my head,
or your fingers dancing
over my exposed flesh.
your warm lips don’t brush mine,
and I can’t taste your sweet breath
but in the dark of night,
when the world is fast asleep,
and I am most vulnerable,
it is at that moment where
i most want your arms around me,
keeping me safe and secure,
because though I pushed you away,
i only ever wanted you here.