I wish emotions didn't exist. That way I'd never have to feel. It wouldn't be so bad if it didn't take so long to heal. I feel like I'm the last thing on anybodys mind quite last resort. Even when I speak with family. They always keep it short. I try not to let it phase me. But I can't help but wonder why. Sometimes I think that I'd only be missed if I was to die. Some would say that is a lie but I know that I'm not wrong. Nobody ever checks on me. So how's that different from being gone. I try to keep my thoughts to myself but I wear my heart on my sleeve. So when I feel like I'm unwanted I just pack my things and leave. If I don't have something somebody wants, then they never call. But the second I come of use they're my friends after all. The girl I love might love me back but I can't seem to believe its true. So I push her away so far that if i was her I'd leave me to. I hurt my own feelings because I don't want to give her the opportunity. To do the same thing as my past girlfriends used to do to me. I try to let it go and pretend I'm not upset. I know that she will go. Thats something I regret. I love her but I don't want to. I don't want her to hate me. But thats what's going to happen the way things have been going lately.